Enderimmortal

As the end of this school year approaches, I find myself drawn to more philosophical thoughts again. My current consideration is hegemony, and the interesting paradox such a thing creates. As defined by my cultural anthropology professor, hegemony is a form of governance that is so naturally ingrained in a populace that nobody ever questions it, because it is simply a normal part of life that couldn’t possibly be changed, and you wouldn’t want to change it. I find myself thinking that if hegemony can only exist so long as it isn’t recognized, then theoretically it doesn’t exist. Yet this very thought process leaves a strong possibility for hegemony to be present in our current American culture. At this moment, I don’t believe its there, as there is constant questioning and dissatisfaction with our government, but I also believe that this theoretical type of government has potential to actually be one of the few types of governments that could work for a world government. I also believe that eventually a world government will be very beneficial to the human race, if not ultimately necessary. With a world government the human race as a whole could focus more heavily on mutual success as opposed to success by national group. In current world politics, many countries withhold beneficial technologies from each other in an effort to retain an advantage over other governments, because people currently see other nations as “the other”, instead of “the us”. Okay I’m content with what I’ve typed so far, here you go tumblr =)

tl;dr world hegemony may be a good thing.

With every meaningful success it seems as though there is always some major obstacle that arises. Whether this obstacle previously existed as a simple expectation, or if it formed close to the same time the victory did, there is always at least one. Perhaps it’s nothing more than change in perspective. Last summer my greatest success turned into my greatest detriment. This year as I am nearing the exit from this difficult tunnel of educational rigor I spotted a shining lifetime opportunity. Only a little further along the same path I have found a troublesome roadblock that appears to be potentially damaging anyway I confront it. I know how I would like to handle it, but unfortunately the simplest of solutions are often the most impossible. At least I should hopefully know significantly more about my current predicament by the end of the week.

Normally this isn’t an issue, especially since I have the busy life of college to keep me occupied, but every once in a while my mind drifts to the person I met amidst a sea flailing arms and invigorating music. I inevitably am reminded of those summer nights where we would talk for hours, and how we had a connection that I had never experienced before, not even with one of the best friends I am likely to ever meet. I made so many foolish mistakes just because of how overwhelmingly new this strange connection was. In my naivety, I assumed it was the one thing every person eventually hopes to achieve. Perhaps it could have eventually become that, but I was terribly mistaken at the time. I had no idea what I was saying, no idea of the repercussions such a mistake would have. All I understood was how serene the days had become, how the intriguing the nights were. It was such an empowering feeling, thinking I had found what every person secretly longs for. I hadn’t realized how mesmerized I was by this assumption. I began to discover completely new parts of my own personality. Everything else of importance deteriorated and evaporated from my focus until the only thing I wanted was to envelop myself in the comfort of the connection we shared. This was my first meaningful experience with this kind of connection, so I did the only thing I know how to do in those situations, I poured myself into it. I melted my being down and recast myself to a form that would be the best fit for it. This was all foolish to begin with, because I knew this would only go so well for a short while. Fate seems to have a peculiar sense of humor, because of course we met at the crossroads of our lives. Unfortunately my newest chapter was beginning a little before her own. We both tried to keep our stories in the same volume, but eventually the overpowering currents of life ripped us apart. I still think about those summer nights, those sweet memories that we shared together, the uncanny similarity of our closest childhood memories. I still remember the great adventures we went on, how we always found new places to explore, even in the towns we had grudgingly become so familiar with.

I miss it.

I remember a time when life used to be so easy, so simple, so carefree. I never thought I would miss it, and in a way I’m so happy its over, but in its place complexion and difficulty have taken hold. I cannot deal with these problems by lying or finding a loophole as I always do. I must take responsibility for them and try to not let this happen again next quarter. I said that last quarter too. Even now, I am composing a statement on Tumblr rather than trying to get as much sleep as I am going to need tomorrow. I promised myself I wouldn’t let stress get a hold of me, I promised myself I wouldn’t let myself fall into mediocrity, but recently it feels as though I have earned the title of liar without much effort. I constantly seek to blame these issues on some imagined unique attribute of myself or some other such nonsense, but in reality, I finally have to grow up. For once in my life I have to actually go against my life philosophy, so that I may eventually begin to live by it again later. I also promised myself I would never let that happen either, that I would always find ways to circumvent such an issue. How foolish I was to think I could out-do the normal way of life. How silly it was for me to think I was brilliant enough to live against the flow of life and still enjoy its boundless gifts. If I allow myself to rejoin the raging current of life, by the time I am able to return to my own peaceful stream, will I still remember how? Will I still remember which one is mine? Will mine still even exist? Even if I am able to return, I can never be the same core person. I will have to change drastically. This is how growing up works? I always assumed it was just the adding of characteristics as opposed to the replacement of them. Perhaps I won’t have to completely dive into the current, maybe I only need to skim the top of it. Even this is unlikely to work though, because I have been trying to do that for a good while now, and although it has been more effective than my previous methods, it still is not as effective as I need it to be. Time to end this rant. Why are you reading this?